you're right outside their door. just walk in!

post South East Asia Canoe Championships.
realy glad i was there to witness the whole event
racing at the international level is certaintly a whole new league even for experienced paddlers like me
it was definitely an eye opener
now that it is finally over, i am sitting at home infront of my laptop feeling a little depressed.
i am seriouslly sighing and feeling a little shitty right now i have to say.
oh man, post SEACC withdrawal sydromes.

these three days, i have witnessed some of the best and worst races i have seen
seeing random people donning the national colours makes me all tingly inside and jealous to a certain level
was chatting with miss lim and it just suddenly hit me after she told me this particular line
"you've been walking up and down right outside there door for years. why don't you just step in?"
i replied, "i don't think im good enough for them yet"
and she went on to say "do you want to bear everyone in the team before you finally agree to go for trials again?"
this hit homerun for me and realy got me thinking and thinking

but seriouslly that was what i really wanted to do for the longest period of time
after my first trials where i did race miss lim herself and SEACC trials
i was really impressed with her and saw her as the benchmark of how i am supposed to be if i even want to make it in there
but i have to say seeing the races and the level of competition these past 3 days,
i really should have been there racing my lungs out.
it always ends with the "i should have been there" isn't it?

miss lim said "your ego is really preventing you from doing alot of things"
and she bingo-ed once again
next sem is gonna be a canoe and study sem for me
i'll be jacq the robot for one sem if i can really take it
i shall try though
cause no more shoulda woulda and coulda for me
totallu sick of it
but i reckon i'll be dead beat which i am so not excited about at the same time

now its finally off my chest im feeling much better
but still a little depressed
because i can't get to see team thailand anymore
the guys in team thailand are like SUPER CUTE
especially this very fast canoeist called phoaphat
you say his name as "pau pat"
aww man i tell you
i was swooning all the time
he was the best canoeist around winning the gold in most of his events even though they got lousier boats than competitors like Vietnam and Singapore
i wished i have a picture right now
but no.
i shall check the SCF website constantly and post it up immediately when i get it
i was helping team thailand open their shed for the past 3 days
lucky me:)
the last NCC when team thailand came down, i don't remeber seeing cute guys at all man
it was all like normal thai man who were burnt and middle age looking
what happened?
phaophat is so good looking and also a damn good canoeist. double threat.
but whatever it is, phaophat is gone
boo
boo
boo
boo
booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
i think i need a few days to get over my imaginary boyfriend

2 days to africa
i am starting to hear some
awimoweh awimoweh awimoweh awimoweh awimoweh awimoweh awimoweh
but.........
trainings with Mr Sng at bedok reservoir till the very day i fly cause its a night flight
cant wait to canoe like the wind again or at least feel like it?
wheee
booo
wheee
boo
whee
boo
im in a terribal emotional state right now
bye